dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
