so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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