so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
