SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
