so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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