I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
