You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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