got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
