trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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