i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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