I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
