im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
