What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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