Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I touched a dick in church today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
