She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
