your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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