you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
