A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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