Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
