gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
