Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
