Already got asked if we're dating
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
