Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
