The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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