If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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