They should really pass out barf bags in church
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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