I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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