We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
