I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
