Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
