what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
