Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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