my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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