I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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