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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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