Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why do cheetos always look like penises
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
