so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
