OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
We got so high we made milksteak
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
