Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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