all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
