At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
