Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
