we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
