i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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