There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
