I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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