mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
