i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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