She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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