a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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