I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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