I got chris browned last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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