chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
