I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
