i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize