You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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