i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
