dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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