I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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