So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
