i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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