She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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