Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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