ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
