She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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