he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize