finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
