there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
